Warhammer Sorta Thousand: what is it, anyway?

If you've been keeping up with my blog posts for a while, you'll have seen that one tag I use to describe my painting projects is "Warhammer Sorta Thousand." In light of recent discussions about "what is Oldhamer?" I thought I'd say a few words about this idea -- what it is, what it means to me and why I'm into it.

Oldhammer and me

The Oldhammer Facebook group recently saw the need to crack down a little on off-topic discussion; nothing wrong with that, of course, but it means deciding what the topic actually is, which means defining the term. They chose to define Oldhammer as going up to 1992, which is fair enough, although personally I'd push it up a few years, but whatever. There are many definitions, but sometimes you have to pick one and go with it!

But Warhammer Sorta Thousand isn't quite Oldhammer, although Oldhammer is a part of it. Let me ... hmmm.

Maybe the best way to illustrate this is visually.

Is it post-apocalyptic scumbags? 

The authentic 80s goodness? 

21st century interpretations? 

Similar non-GW stuff? 

Pound shop toys? 

Classic sci-fi? 

Collecting things from the golden age? 

Obscure alternatives? 

DIY? 

RED WUNZ?!

Modern models in "the tradition"? 

Plastic kitbashery? 

Rarities?

The answer is yes!

A broad exploding church factory

For me, the thing that really appeals about the Rogue Trader era of Warhammer 40,000 is its potential. When you flip through the rulebook, you see everything from the Mad Max-style post-apocalypse of Helsreach to table setups that look like much more traditional science fiction, and then of course the traditional space-Gothic greeblefest. And within the context of the loosely-defined Rogue Trader setting, it all makes sense. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. But you expect that it won't make any sense.

I'm not some Rogue Trader purist -- the setting rapidly got developed with future releases, and I like a lot of what's in them. But the key to Warhammer Sorta Thousand is that you take that stuff and you mix it in as an inspiration to your own creativity rather than a set of rules you have to follow. So a lovingly-painted army of Ultramarines with every chapter marking in the right place and a bunch of more-or-less identical armoured vehicles is Warhammer, sure, but it doesn't quite fit Warhammer Sorta Thousand. Fundamentally, Warhammer Sorta Thousand is about narrative gaming, and huge armies that make army-like sense don't necessarily fit that.

So the old-model and old-setting focus of Warhammer Sorta Thousand is not because I'm all about the 80s nostalgia, although God knows that's a factor, but because the older versions of the setting and models tended to support the types of scenarios that I want to play. But once you've accepted that premise, there's no need to limit yourself to a particular type or manufacturer of model.

I took these photos of a massive Warhammer 3rd edition game at Salute this year -- to me, they exemplify the Warhammer Sorta Thousand approach, albeit in fantasy form. You've got a wide range of different manufacturers in there -- including old GW, current GW, Reaper, 4A, Copplestone and many more. You've got cheapo monopose plastics, modern multiplart plastics, prepainted Conflix houses, metal originals, toys, you've got civilians and random monster encounters, you've got a story (although one that my photos don't tell well). 

That's what I want from Warhammer Sorta Thousand -- and have never yet quite achieved. 

Tl;dr

Oh, for Pete's sake. Cheetor. Cheetor's doing Warhammer Sorta Thousand. Man, that was easy. 

Another quick painting update!

So, in my excitement I have painted a few of the models that I bought at ExiliCon 2015 already.

The first couple are post-apocalyptic scenery items from ThunderChild Miniatures.

I painted this vending machine in classic Nuka-Cola colours, but
I wasn't brave enough to add a logo or anything. I really like the cartooniness
of it; it suits my painting style very well, and I was reluctant to mess it up.

"Lazy Bones" here is a little clean for the apocalypse, but
I liked the colour against the usual grey wash of the end of the world. 

These are a lot of fun to paint! As you can maybe see from the second one, they are pretty big -- that bed is huge and the skellington is no slouch either. That has never bothered me, though. And aside from the cans being huge, it's not particularly noticeable on the vending machines. It's the same with the monsters; how big is a mutant bull centaur?

I also speed-painted these Reaper Bones skeletons. The bases probably took longer to make than the models took to paint. I know the paint jobs ain't fancy, and the models are not amazing, but the four models maybe took me an hour and you need a lot of skellies in a D&D game. 

This Reaper Bones figure seems to represent a wave of skeleton bits rising from the ground. Does it represent a traditional D&D monster I'm missing? I quite like the idea; it'll turn up in my game either way. 

These guys are an old Confrontation Ratskin (I think) and a Prince August Future Shock model (although I can't find the model on their site). I painted them ages ago, but have recently finished their bases and stuff as part of a general overhaul of my post-apocalyptic figure collection.

ExiliCon trip report

This past weekend I went to ExiliCon, a local gaming / geek stuff convention here in Cambridge. The show is kind of an interesting one -- organised by members of an online forum, it represents their diverse interests, and the end result is that's a sort of ... mashup of geek culture and art stuff. So there were game shops and publishers selling their wares, but also talks about history, film production, literature and what-all.

I was there to promote Isles of Darkness, as I often am, but I got to see some other things as well. Here's what I saw and did:

The first stop for me was the first stand I saw:

This was a joint endeavour by Unusualities and FoxBox -- I picked up some miniatures, a pair of Pac-Man ghost earrings for my wife and some free miscast resin models to go in the ol' bits box. I have to admit I returned to that miscast jar a few times during the day. 

I also swung by the stand of ThunderChild Miniatures, who were showing off an upcoming post-apocalyptic minis game called Wasteman. This had a successful Kickstarter earlier in the year, so we can look forward to seeing the game itself out in the autumn, God willin' and the crick don't rise. 

Now I am a sucker for B-movie stylings and post-apocalyptic models, so it didn't take much to sell me on these: 

The display table. 

Post-apocalyptic pilgrims. 

And some more. 

The monster minis were particularly nice, I thought. 

A pen for "mootants."

Some hazards of the wasteland. 

A quick flip through the rulebook. 

Examples of character cards. 

I even snapped a (blurry) photo of some rulebook art. 

What really impressed me was the extent to which this was a one-man army type of deal: proprietor JL Fairclough wrote the rules, sculpted the figures, did the rulebook art and cast the miniatures. When I opened the scenery I bought I discovered that the foam in blisters was irregular, as if hand-cut, which left me wondering whether he even packed them himself. 

So, yeah, definitely checking the game out come autumn. God knows I've got a lot of post-apocalyptic models already, but that's never stopped me. 

Other people in the exhibition space with us: 

Empire Game Store, from whom I bought some old Harlequin men-at-arms
to use as mooks in D&D as well some extra d8s because there are a lot of damn
d8s in 5th edition; I mean, you thought there were a lot before. 

Mirror State, who run big political one-day games that sound absolutely fascinating.
A lot of people I know have played or are about to, but I haven't yet. 

Some of their props and game aids, although sadly my photo didn't really come out. 

Filmmaker Douglas Morse was promoting his film The Next Great American Game, which looked sort of like Anvil for the Board Game Geek set. There is a screening in Cambridge on Wednesday, although it clashes with my D&D game so I will not be there. 

These guys are the creators of an online radio comedy about the end of the world,
Don't Worry: It's Only the End of the World

Speaking of online shows, I didn't get a photo, but the creators of a fantasy webseries called Ren were also there, giving a talk and promoting their show. 

They weren't the only webseries there -- I also went to a talk by the people behind a series, which is out now on YouTube, called The First Musketeer. It was an interesting look at how to make a historical story with swordfights on a £25,000 budget. 

There were also some people demo-ing games. I didn't get a look at all of them, but I did pick an ashcan of Ultima Forsan, an Italian Savage Worlds setting that is already out in Italian with an English version in the works. People were playing it with every appearance of enjoyment. 

(I have just learned that the title means something like "it's later than you think.")

The quality and quantity of freebies at this show were both pretty amazing. 

I also went to a talk on the history behind The Three Musketeers by novelist and historian Kari Sperring, but unfortunately I had to duck out before the end to help pack up our stall. 

I will do some future posts once I get these minis painted up and photographed, but I did take a picture of my haul from the day: 

Not bad, I thought. 

So what did I think of ExiliCon overall? On balance, I would say "more of this sort of thing, please" and I'm already thinking about what I could do to contribute to next year's thing. I like the idea of highlighting people's creative projects -- there were obviously professional concerns there and then there were also things that were clearly just people's labours of love. As I said at our post-con meal, the exhibitors ranged from "just a hobby" at one end to "the struggle is real" at the other -- and I actually find that inspiring. I like being around people who are on their grind. 

I did think that the show hadn't necessarily been terribly well advertised. I was in Inner Sanctum earlier in the week, and I didn't see a flyer or a sign or anything, which seems like a missed opportunity. Heffers were there, though, although I don't know that they did a roaring trade. Selling stuff at cons when you're a big chain always seems like an odd concept, since by definition people can buy the stuff you're selling in your shop any day of the week. But it was nice of them to turn out. 

So, yeah, promotion could have been more effective, and I think that the con did not do a fantastic job of explain what exactly it was -- which is fair enough, because what it is is a bit of a mish-mash, but at the same time I think people did not what to expect. I certainly didn't, but I wound up having a pretty great time. If you are in the area, I definitely recommend going next year. I will try to contribute more!

In the end, we did promote the society a fair bit. Here are some cards and handouts Bob made for his game: 

Powers in Lost are a pain in the butt, so I think players appreciated those. 

Lastly, the show inspired me to get on my grind a little more about my book. I suck at promotion -- a lot -- at least when it's my own stuff. But I wrote this book and honestly I think it's pretty good. It's a Lovecraftian horror story set in the Viking age, and if you would like to buy it, it's very inexpensive. I mean, it's inexpensive whether you would like to buy it or not. 

The virtue of going over the top

This little guy is another Bones imp. I shrunk down the photo in the name of preserving my self-respect, although even so the model is about half that size. His base will get foliage eventually, when I can be bothered. Obviously, his one big eye made me paint him in the form of Mike from Monsters, Inc. and I think the result was actually pretty good.

But this little chap is not what I want to talk about! Instead I want to talk about over-the-top-ness.

So, as you know if you take any interest in the wargaming world, tinymans titan Games Workshop has effectively axed its 30-year-old Warhammer Fantasy Battles game and replaced it with a related but significantly different game called Warhammer: Age of Sigmar. Naturally, you can't get rid of something that's been around for decades and in which a lot of gamers have invested significant amounts of time and money without some outcry.

Now, I don't want to get into the particulars of this decision -- I think, more than anything, that it's much too early to second-guess the game. But like any other person who has spent a certain amount of mental energy thinking about the Old World over the years, I popped into Games Workshop as I was passing by the other day and had a flip through the rulebook, and I learned (if I understand what I read correctly), that the group of Khorne cultists on the right in the picture above are called the Goretide and that one of their characters (maybe the standard bearer? I don't remember) is called so-and-so the Bloodsecrator. 

Bloodsecrator. 

I honestly can't decide whether I think that's balls-out great or balls-out stupid. It might be both!

In my own games, I struggle a bit with this. I have a long history of running more or less "plausible" games set in the real world, and I often have to stop myself from thinking all kind of smug-80s-gamer "but where's the bathroom" type stuff to myself as I design scenarios. But a certain amount of over-the-top-ness is necessary, and I'm not as good at letting myself go as I should be. In my live games, in particular, I tend toward running low-key, more mundane plots with messy and ambiguous character motivations, which I think lack the kind of throat-grabbing emotional intensity that a lot of players are looking for in that type of game. It starts out all visceral but then I tend to go back and complicate it a little too much. 

I don't know; I think this basically just says "note to self: go more nuts." Just another thinking-out-loud post, really. However, next week and beyond I should have some more content-ful stuff for you, dear readers, following my trip to ExiliCon here in Cambridge on Saturday. 

Quick painting update!

Inspiration for new painting projects has been coming thick and fast, so that means I need to clear off my painting table a bit! Here are a few of the odds and ends I've finished up this week:

A Dungeonquest archer and an old Skeleton Horde skelly. The two of these took less than an hour together. The paintjobs are just so-so, but I think they're not too bad for the short amount of time I spent on them -- and I can definitely always use more archers. And skeletons! That's a monster that really works best when there's a hell of a lot of them. I will probably give that skelly a shield eventually. 

An orangutan from Irregular Miniatures. The teeth are whiter in real life. Like most Irregular minis, this is a pretty rough sculpt, but it's useful for the D&D game, in which I like to have lots of different animals on hand. I need to add some foliage to the base.

This figure comes from the collectible minis game Dreamblade. I didn't actually paint it, just stuck it on a base (which needs foliage also). I just wanted to give an example of how this game is full of insane models. Seriously, if you want crazy-looking shit for your game, Dreamblade is a good source. Like all CMGs, the figures are a bit hit-or-miss, but even today, several years on, they can often be found cheaply. 

I think this plastic English Civil War figure is from Warlord Games? I got him in the LAF sprue exhange. I painted him super-duper quickly, priming him brown, drybrushing up and doing everything else with inks except the shirt cuffs, stockings, face and metal parts. He looks OK. Actually, ECW clothing was often much more colourful, but I have kept him in sober colours because he's going to be a Puritan witch-hunter in my Strange Aeons game one of these days. 

This post-apocalyptic figure is from Copplestone Castings; I got it in a job lot of minis from LAF, and it was already partly-painted; I just finished it off, which is why the face is both a little more delicate than my usual work and lighter than the hands. Whatever; she looks fine and will be a welcome addition to my collection of post-apocalyptic models. 

These guys are Warzone 2nd edition Capitol models, and may still be available from Prince August. I painted them up for an upcoming Fallout-themed Rogue Trader game at Bring Out Your Lead, where they will be playing the role of a squad of troopers (and an elite ranger) from the New California Republic. 

I also painted some parking meters and traffic lights for urban scenery, but they just look like parking meters and traffic lights. Well, honestly, I'm not sure the sculptor had ever seen a traffic light, but the parking meters look OK. And a Reaper Bones little demon guy, but he will be in a previous post since I have not had time to take a picture of him!

Ill-informed druids!

So in D&D 5th ed., druids can use their Wild Shape ability to turn into any animal they've previously seen. My wife's character is a druid who grew up on a remote tropical island, so she's familiar with all the animals that live in that habitat, but not with most of the typical animals you might find in a D&D game -- the island doesn't have many large mammals, so she doesn't know about bears or wolves or lions or what have you.

Not .., quite.

Not long after she joined the party, some of the other members of the party were explaining about all the exciting animals that she could learn about if she joined their mad quest to become big-name pirates, steal a fabulous jewel from the Pirate Queen and use it to take on the dark gods that threaten the world's very existence. She got very excited about the idea of bears, so now every time she encounters a new animal she inquires: "bear?"

Bear?

Over her various adventures, she's encountered various depictions of bears, bear skins, etc., largely because Nornic warriors who've been initiated into the mysteries of the bear totem lodge are entitled to wear bear skins. One of 'em's even called "Harrek," too. No shame in my game.

Bear?

Anyway, this brought up a dilemma for me. The character's quest to become a bear either has to end with her learning how or her not being able to. The first one ends the joke, and the second one is just frustrating.

With that in mind, I came up with the Ill-informed Druid Table! This is what happens when a druid tries to Wild Shape into an animal that they are not 100% certain about the anatomy of. The character turns into the animal they intended to become, but with one (or 1d3 if you feel they're particularly ignorant) of the following changes:

1. Brilliant Plumage. Disadvantage on Stealth rolls. 
2. Inadequately-explained scale. 1-3 one size category too large, 4-6 one category too small. "Well, that's the size it was in the picture!"
3. Poisonous. One attack becomes poisonous: target must take Con save at druid's spell DC or be poisoned for 2d6 rounds. 
4. Water Breathing. Animal can only breathe underwater. If the animal can normally breathe underwater, it becomes amphibious. 
5. Prehensile appendage. A tail or other appendage (e.g. proboscis) becomes prehensile. 
6. Bipedal locomotion. The animal gains upright stance and working hands but loses 10 ft. of movement and any attack that relies on fast movement (like Charge). 
7. Big bat ears. Animal gains Blindsight 120 ft., ineffective while deafened. When exposed to loud noise, the druid must make a Con save (DC dependent on volume) or be deafened. 
8. Pointy little hooves. The animal becomes sure-footed, gaining advantage on Dex or Str saves to avoid being knocked prone. 
9. Tentacles. Replace 1d3 limbs with tentacles. Replace one attack with tentacle: reach 10 ft., damage 2d6 + Str, grapples creatures, escape DC 13+Str. Grapple restrains. 
10. Bioluminescence. Creature sheds bright light in a 10-foot radius and dim light for an additional 10 feet. 
11. Wings. Creature can fly clumsily at walk - 10. If creature already has wings, gain an extra pair and reduce flying speed by 10. 
12. Lashing tail. Add one extra melee attack; reach 10, +Str +prof. 2d6 + Str damage. 
13. Powerful legs. Add long jump of 20 ft, high jump of 10 ft. 
14. Bizarre coloration. Fur or hide covered with wild, unnatural patterns and colours. 
15. Armoured hide. Increase AC by +2, decrease move by 10. 
16. Addictive quality. The animal gives off a pleasing odour or a delightful, enchanting sound, or secretes a delicious nectar. People who experience this must pass a DC 8 Wis save or become fixated on having more of it. 
17. Defensive cloud. When startled, the animal can spray a cloud of (roll 1d6) 1 - acid, 2 - stench, 3 - ink/inky fumes, 4 - blinding venom, 5 - webs, 6 - blood
18. Horns. Gain additional butt attack, 2d6 +Str, target takes Str save (DC 10 + Str) or knocked prone. 
19. Sticky feet. The animal can move at its walk speed on walls and ceilings. 
20. Mutable. Roll again for a feature. The first time the animal takes damage or fails a saving throw, roll again on the table and replace the first feature with the new one. 

Bear? 

Whether I'll actually use the whole thing I don't know, I am not consistent about these things. It also seems like, overall, this is mostly a table that improves animals (for combat purposes, if not for blending-in ones), so if you want to keep "balance" you can always remove a hit die for every bonus feature, or require that it swap out for one of the animal's existing ones. I don't really mind myself. 

Athanasius Kircher and quick setting design

On my last trip to London, I picked up a copy of a book on Athanasius Kircher from a discount bookshop for £1. It is engagingly bonkers -- I use that phrase a lot -- and I am very happy about that expenditure. Mostly that is because I like cool engravings and texts written by wacky Theosophists and 

One of the things that my campaign has so far lacked is a proper megadungeon, but after seeing Kircher's Egyptian labyrinth from Turris Babel, I am inspired. 

Now I just have to figure out some place to put it.

So, the labyrinth is themed around the 12 nomes of  Kircher's more-or-less imaginary Egypt (I have written in passing about bullshit Hermetic Egypt) and their patron deities, so each of those different sections has a different gimmick. I would probably deregularise some of the sections -- or maybe just add some later layers, like have something happen to the labyrinth that fucks up or rearranges the terrain or introduces some new element into it.

Anyway, my plan for a Kircher-themed megadungeon isn't really the point. What struck me about this one was how thematic and cool it already was, simply because we all have a certain set of expectations about Egypt -- mysterious animal-headed gods, mummies, cobras, mystical secrets. From the perspective of an Egyptologist, this is frustrating, but from the perspective of a hurried GM it's fantastic.

The really great thing about having some Egyptian deities or what have you in your game is that they don't mean only one thing. They're freighted with meaning, but they're not confined by it. And that means they provide lots of cross-cutting inspiration and they blend well with other things. Thor will blend well with other things in a way that Corellon Larethian never will; he goes from mythic adventure to sci-fi bizarro shit and yet still retains the impact of "Thor." You don't have to know a lot about Norse mythology for Thor to have some impact. In fact, it sort of helps if you don't.

That, I think, is why the basic concept behind Red and Pleasant Land works so well -- it mashes up Dracula, Alice in Wonderland, basic D&D tropes and even King Arthur, and because these things are so squishy and messy and have been reinterpreted so many times they work. 

Now, as better minds than I have observed, the best way to do that is to set your game in the real world, where everything has that murky, mushy character, but some people find that constraining. I'm about 50/50 on that one, but I recognise it as a flaw in my own thinking.